Mixed Feelings

I signed my kids up for VPK today. There, I said it. I can't believe that they've turned four (shoot, I was still adjusting to having two three-year-olds...let me catch up!). On one hand, it's just an absolute delight to watch them grow and change and learn so many new things. They really have distinct personalities and it's so much fun to see them figure out just WHO they are.

But I want them to stay little. Just a while longer.

I know all moms probably say that at some point. But having twins means you have twice as many kids transitioning to the next stage at the same time. You don't really have a chance to stop, enjoy it, and then look forward to it with the next kid (or for some of my friends...the third, the fourth, etc.). And since these are the only two we (plan to) have (unless God has a seriously crazy sense of humor), this is the only chance I get to enjoy the steps they take.

Now, if you ask my husband, he just laughs and tells me I can always walk down memory lane. I've only taken a million photos of them in their first four years, so reliving the experience through the magic of pictures isn't too difficult!

You want to hear something even worse? For every ounce of me that is sad to see them growing up, there's another part of me that is celebrating the independence they are experiencing. I'm told it's a classic case of mother's guilt...you want your child(ren) to stay little forever, but at the same time you can't wait to watch them grow up. I want to see what kind of people they will be. And I'd also like to see what waits for me down the road now that I will have some extra time on my hands during the weekdays.

We have SO many steps and memorable moments ahead of us, but for some reason, knowing that they'll be starting VPK in August is like knowing that there's this wall ahead. And when we get to that wall, we'll climb over it into "big kid" land, and gone forever will be "baby world." We'll have homework, and field trips, and all kinds of activities and milestones. But part of me already misses the quiet snuggles and warm cuddles from the tiny little babies they started out as. I'm lucky because they still love to snuggle, so I think I'll take some comfort in knowing that won't ever change completely.

We aren't sure which school they'll be attending, since I'm told the school district won't allow confirmation of school selection until July, but I'll definitely be signing on as a volunteer for at least one day a week. I don't want to be a helicopter mom, but it will be nice to know that I can still spend so much time with them.

And my camera won't be far away, either. :)