Friday, May 9, 2008

Busy Days

I find that I have to really make a better effort to do all the things I need/want to do these days. I have a problem saying "no" to anything. I have to remind myself often that I am NOT Wonder Woman, and therefore there is no humanly possible way I'm going to get everything accomplished like I might hope. This is not an easy thing to admit, but I'm hoping that by writing it in my blog, I might read back on it from time to time as a reminder to myself.

The kids are my first and central priority, and always will be no matter what else I take on. They are such a joy to be around, even when they do their best to drive me batty, and I can't imagine what my life was like before them anymore.

Megan and Jeremy are basically on the same level for most things, but Megan's increasing her vocabulary by leaps and bounds these days (Jeremy is doing fine, just doesn't have the sense of urgency Megan has when it comes to learning new words). Today, when I put their PB&J sandwiches and banana slices in front of them for lunch, Jeremy said, "Thank you, Mommy!" and when I asked him if it looked good, he took a big bite and said, "Mmmmm..."...meanwhile, Megan is sitting calmly in her chair, takes a dainty bite of a banana and says (I kid you NOT), "Yes, Mommy, this is delicious!" I nearly fell over. It's not that I'm shocked that she's learned how to say a word like delicious, it's the fact that her timing and intonation were just perfect with using the word.

I know that sometimes I have doubts about my parenting skills...I don't know many parents who don't feel this way sometimes. Especially during the temper tantrum fits that they just LOVE to throw (especially in public, when most of the time they are perfect's like they wait until a big crowd is around and then they just opt to turn into wailing, screaming shells of their former selves). But I always feel a sense of security when one of them comes running to me, without being asked, and tells me that I must give a hug or a kiss. Jeremy climbed up next to me on the couch yesterday, held out his arms and gave me a big smacker on my cheek when I thought all he wanted was a hug...then he got down and went right back to the toy cars he had been playing with. This makes me feel so good, because I know I've done at least that much right. They are in a loving home and are learning that showing affection is not only a good thing, but a wonderful thing. I think a lot of it is just part of their nature, since there are always going to be kids who like cuddling more than others, but I like to try to take just a little bit of credit for that. One of the biggest challenges most twin moms discuss is the fact that when you're trying to care for two infants, you always fear that you're not giving them enough physical contact, enough hugs and cuddles and kisses and attention. Making sure two babies have clean diapers, full tummies, and good amounts of sleep...well, that basically takes enough out of you so that the "extras" like cuddling for hours and just holding them is more of a luxury. Steve and I were really lucky that we had as much time to offer for that as possible, but deep down I worried it wasn't enough. Now that I see both of them are so loving and open to signs of affection, I don't worry anymore. At least, not about that stuff! There are plenty of other worries that come along with raising kids these days. :)

Well, I'm thinking that I should close here and get some shut-eye before I keep rambling incessantly. Next time I'll try to blog with a little more focus, so I can make sense of whatever I write about!