Mixed Feelings

I signed my kids up for VPK today. There, I said it. I can't believe that they've turned four (shoot, I was still adjusting to having two three-year-olds...let me catch up!). On one hand, it's just an absolute delight to watch them grow and change and learn so many new things. They really have distinct personalities and it's so much fun to see them figure out just WHO they are.

But I want them to stay little. Just a while longer.

I know all moms probably say that at some point. But having twins means you have twice as many kids transitioning to the next stage at the same time. You don't really have a chance to stop, enjoy it, and then look forward to it with the next kid (or for some of my friends...the third, the fourth, etc.). And since these are the only two we (plan to) have (unless God has a seriously crazy sense of humor), this is the only chance I get to enjoy the steps they take.

Now, if you ask my husband, he just laughs and tells me I can always walk down memory lane. I've only taken a million photos of them in their first four years, so reliving the experience through the magic of pictures isn't too difficult!

You want to hear something even worse? For every ounce of me that is sad to see them growing up, there's another part of me that is celebrating the independence they are experiencing. I'm told it's a classic case of mother's guilt...you want your child(ren) to stay little forever, but at the same time you can't wait to watch them grow up. I want to see what kind of people they will be. And I'd also like to see what waits for me down the road now that I will have some extra time on my hands during the weekdays.

We have SO many steps and memorable moments ahead of us, but for some reason, knowing that they'll be starting VPK in August is like knowing that there's this wall ahead. And when we get to that wall, we'll climb over it into "big kid" land, and gone forever will be "baby world." We'll have homework, and field trips, and all kinds of activities and milestones. But part of me already misses the quiet snuggles and warm cuddles from the tiny little babies they started out as. I'm lucky because they still love to snuggle, so I think I'll take some comfort in knowing that won't ever change completely.

We aren't sure which school they'll be attending, since I'm told the school district won't allow confirmation of school selection until July, but I'll definitely be signing on as a volunteer for at least one day a week. I don't want to be a helicopter mom, but it will be nice to know that I can still spend so much time with them.

And my camera won't be far away, either. :)

Blessings

I was thinking the last couple weeks about what I want to do with my blog. I don't get the chance to blog as often as I'd like, so I want to change that this year. 2010 is the first year I haven't really made a New Year's Resolution for, so maybe my resolution will be to look for more blessings in my life...things that are everyday and ordinary, but mean a lot.

That being said, today I want to share about the blanket you see in the picture to the left. The weather has gotten pretty cold here lately, not common for Florida, but I LOVE it. We went through our closet and pulled out a couple of warmer blankets to add to the kids' beds, just to make sure they're warm enough at night while they sleep.

This blanket once hung in the window of a gift shop at a hospital in Jacksonville. Steve and I had gone through two fertility treatments that failed, and I was scheduled for an exploratory surgery to find out if there was a reason for the treatments to fail that had not been previously diagnosed. Steve had to work and couldn't take me to the hospital the day of the surgery, but my mom offered to drive me there and bring me home afterward, since it was an outpatient procedure.

The gift shop is located on the hospital's first floor, and you pass by it as you walk from the parking garage to the elevator bank. I remember (vaguely) passing by the window and seeing the blanket, and telling my mom that I really hoped we could figure out where to go from here with treatments so I would have a reason to need a baby blanket. At that point we'd been trying for almost 18 months, and I was caught somewhere between frustration and sadness. I went into the surgery and came through with flying colors, even though I was groggy and nauseated from the medicine they give you beforehand. Mom brought me home and I crawled into bed, where I basically spent two days recovering per the doctor's orders.

Fast forward a couple of months...we went through our first IVF procedure and found out that we were carrying not one but TWO babies. We were excited, nervous and just plain happy. God answers prayers. My mom brought me a bag and told me that she had planned on waiting until later in the pregnancy, but just couldn't wait anymore. Inside was this blanket...she had waited until my surgery began, and then she had gone back downstairs to the gift shop and bought the blanket that was hanging in the window. She knew that somehow, someway, we would be welcoming a baby into our family, and she wanted me to have that blanket since I had noticed it on my way into the surgery that day. It's been 4 1/2 years since she gave it to me, and I remember those days and weeks so vividly.

This blanket is a constant reminder of just how blessed we are, and how we should count those blessings all the time!