My Addiction

Hi, my name is Katie and I'm a scrapaholic.

I have been dealing with this addiction for roughly six years now. I have an uncontrollable urge to buy pretty printed 12"x12" paper for no given reason. I find it fun to think of ways that I can take photos of my kids to MATCH the paper I already have (as opposed to buying paper that matches the photos I already have...). Stickers are fun. There's just something about a sticker that screams "Buy me!"

OK, so I'm not really THAT addicted, but I really love my once-a-month crop nights. I get together with a group of ladies who are suffering from the same complications of the craft...too many photos and not enough time to scrapbook them all. I'm currently plugging away at scrapbooking our Disney vacation. Last night I scrapbooked six pages, bringing my grand total (for my Disney album) to 16. The album I have for this collection only holds 20 pages as a standard, but I am determined to find a refill pack to bring the capacity up to 40. I'm hoping to have the darn thing done by Christmas. My kids' baby albums may not be done until they are graduated from college, but gosh darn it, my Disney album will get done someday soon!

I am completely infatuated with digital scrapbooking...it's less complicated, it's a lot neater as far as journaling goes, and I don't have to drag out all of my supplies to work on a book...I just have to turn on my computer. But it's so nice to just spend an evening out once a month with this group of women, to chat about what's going on in our worlds and what our kids are up to these days. Being able to use whatever creative juices I can muster brings a sense of accomplishment. My scrapbooks might not be the prettiest, or the most clever, but to me, they are a way to tell my story. I want my kids to look back one day and think, "Wow, that looked fun." Because realistically, they're more likely going to forget most of the memories from their earlier years.

Anyway, I have another month to wait until my next crop night. I'll try to be patient. I might even try to organize my supplies to help make it easier to work when that evening rolls around. :)

What Goes Around, Comes Around

All too often this is a phrase that is looked upon in a negative light. But I've been observing my kids lately, and I've come to the conclusion that it can also be positive more often than not.

Megan and Jeremy have been the best of friends since day one. In honesty, they haven't had much choice! They haven't spent more than a few hours apart ever, occasionally split up for doctor's visits or trips to the grocery store. But the bond they share is not one of obligation. It's one that can only be shared by siblings. Don't get me wrong, they have their fair share of spats and quarrels. They don't always respect each others' personal space or state of mind as much as I would like. It warms my heart, however, when they sit close together on the couch, heads huddled close to discuss a favorite book and point at pictures. Megan, who tries to be the little mother to Jeremy, will actually put her arm around him and draw his head closer to hers because she has seen him cuddle up with me or Steve, and she wants the same affection from him.

When they play (most of the time, anyway), there is a common sense of purpose. They pull all the food out of the drawer of their play kitchen, haul their kid-size plastic table over from across the living room, and take turns serving each other a "meal." They pretend to eat the (plastic) food they're served, say "please" and "thank you," and then chatter like they're sharing some important information about their day.

Lately they've been drawn to their alphabet blocks even more than ever. Since they've been identifying letters for almost nine months already, they play games by asking each other where a certain letter is. They even give each other a high-five when the letter is located. :)

It's days like those when I sit back and think about everything that we've been through to get to this point. I miss my old job, miss the people I worked with and the responsibilities I had, but NOTHING compares to the satisfaction of knowing that I am raising my kids full-time, and raising them to know the value of love, respect and appreciation for each other and others. Children truly do learn what they live, and it gives me hope that my children will continue to grow into kind, compassionate and generous people.

Where has summer gone?

I can't believe that it's been more than three months since my last post. It seems like the summer just flew right by...for a while, I was in shock that June was already gone, then before you know it July had joined it and we were stumbling into August. So here we are. It's "back to school" time in St. Johns County, and while my kids aren't school-aged yet, there are plenty around us who are. My niece started middle school today, my nephew had his first day of Kindergarten today, and my brother- and sister-in-law (16 and 15 respectively) are in their junior and sophomore years now. Craziness. They're all in Duval County...St. Johns County schools don't start here til Friday.

We are currently waiting for the arrival of Tropical Storm/Hurricane Fay. She'll make landfall on the southwest portion of Florida tomorrow afternoon, and will then make her way across Florida almost on a direct bee-line to us. Lots of wind, plenty of rain, and tons of boredom here at our house...the poor kids don't like being cooped up, but there won't be much choice this week. Steve is scheduled for beach duty tomorrow, and regular shifts on Wednesday and Thursday night, so even if he's not called in for help during the storm, he won't be here much. I will have to dig out some more of the kids' new toys from their room to break up the monotony. We still have gifts from their birthday last December that we've been saving for "a rainy day," and I think this week might be the appropriate time to release them and replace some of the older toys!

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that we had a fantastic family vacation to Orlando at the end of July. We usually make a trip to Orlando to coincide with either my birthday or Steve's (we went to Sea World in February and last July), but this time we stayed THREE nights instead of just one. A real vacation! We didn't overplan, but thought about little things like snacks and juice boxes and bottled water to help keep our costs as low as possible. We had such a great time...I can't even begin to tell all of the awesome pieces that are put together to describe it. Megan and Jeremy were in awe...we went to Hollywood Studios on my birthday (the big 3-0!), then Magic Kingdom the next day, then Sea World on the third day before heading home. Sea World has the Sesame Street gang visiting this summer, so we had breakfast with Elmo and friends that morning. A very reasonable cost for a very rewarding experience...Jeremy wasn't quite sure what to think when the characters came around to the table to visit, but Megan was just completely blissful about the time spent with furry monsters and giant birds.

Busy Days

I find that I have to really make a better effort to do all the things I need/want to do these days. I have a problem saying "no" to anything. I have to remind myself often that I am NOT Wonder Woman, and therefore there is no humanly possible way I'm going to get everything accomplished like I might hope. This is not an easy thing to admit, but I'm hoping that by writing it in my blog, I might read back on it from time to time as a reminder to myself.

The kids are my first and central priority, and always will be no matter what else I take on. They are such a joy to be around, even when they do their best to drive me batty, and I can't imagine what my life was like before them anymore.

Megan and Jeremy are basically on the same level for most things, but Megan's increasing her vocabulary by leaps and bounds these days (Jeremy is doing fine, just doesn't have the sense of urgency Megan has when it comes to learning new words). Today, when I put their PB&J sandwiches and banana slices in front of them for lunch, Jeremy said, "Thank you, Mommy!" and when I asked him if it looked good, he took a big bite and said, "Mmmmm..."...meanwhile, Megan is sitting calmly in her chair, takes a dainty bite of a banana and says (I kid you NOT), "Yes, Mommy, this is delicious!" I nearly fell over. It's not that I'm shocked that she's learned how to say a word like delicious, it's the fact that her timing and intonation were just perfect with using the word.

I know that sometimes I have doubts about my parenting skills...I don't know many parents who don't feel this way sometimes. Especially during the temper tantrum fits that they just LOVE to throw (especially in public, when most of the time they are perfect angels...it's like they wait until a big crowd is around and then they just opt to turn into wailing, screaming shells of their former selves). But I always feel a sense of security when one of them comes running to me, without being asked, and tells me that I must give a hug or a kiss. Jeremy climbed up next to me on the couch yesterday, held out his arms and gave me a big smacker on my cheek when I thought all he wanted was a hug...then he got down and went right back to the toy cars he had been playing with. This makes me feel so good, because I know I've done at least that much right. They are in a loving home and are learning that showing affection is not only a good thing, but a wonderful thing. I think a lot of it is just part of their nature, since there are always going to be kids who like cuddling more than others, but I like to try to take just a little bit of credit for that. One of the biggest challenges most twin moms discuss is the fact that when you're trying to care for two infants, you always fear that you're not giving them enough physical contact, enough hugs and cuddles and kisses and attention. Making sure two babies have clean diapers, full tummies, and good amounts of sleep...well, that basically takes enough out of you so that the "extras" like cuddling for hours and just holding them is more of a luxury. Steve and I were really lucky that we had as much time to offer for that as possible, but deep down I worried it wasn't enough. Now that I see both of them are so loving and open to signs of affection, I don't worry anymore. At least, not about that stuff! There are plenty of other worries that come along with raising kids these days. :)

Well, I'm thinking that I should close here and get some shut-eye before I keep rambling incessantly. Next time I'll try to blog with a little more focus, so I can make sense of whatever I write about!

"Back" In Action!

I saw the specialist back in March, and this past Friday was my follow-up appointment. He had given me three options at my first appointment with him...1) have the surgery. It would have meant immediate pain relief, but there was an increased possibility the injury would recur. 2) get epidural pain blocks, which would help with the pain for a week or two at a time while I waited for my back to heal on its own. 3) just wait it out, staying on the pain meds that make me feel yucky. Apparently this type of back injury is fairly common, and 90% of them heal on their own with no surgical intervention...thank goodness!

So at my appointment on Friday, the doctor basically told me that according to my remaining symptoms and the walking test he gave me, I'm on the mend. Not 100% yet, but that might take a few more weeks or a month still. I am relieved, because if I had gone through three extra weeks of pain and then needed surgery, I would have been very disappointed. The pain meds made me feel so muddy that I finally just stopped taking them about a week and a half ago...they weren't actually "helping" me heal, especially since they made my head foggy. And the pain was minimal compared to what I had gone through just a month ago.

I am going to continue to be careful, since the last thing I want is to put my back out again anytime soon. For example, I'm learning to just let the kids climb into their carseats instead of lifting them in all the time (which is a much quicker and more efficient way, but I need to let go of that!). It's sometimes difficult to look at them and not think of them as still being "babies," since to me that's what they'll always be. I am so glad I'm a photography nut and that I have hundreds (if not thousands) of photos of them from birth til now. That way I can always look back and remember all those "little" moments. :)

Well, time to get lunch made and get some cleaning done around the house. Time flies, especially on a Monday when there's so much to do and no motivation to get it all done!

Severe Back Pain + Two-Year-Old Twins = No Fun

My back pain has gotten progressively worse...I've never had a great back, but this particular case has been going on for three weeks now. I've been seeing an urgent care physician for the time being, hoping that anti-inflammatory medicine would bring down the problem and ease the pain from what we thought was just regular ol' sciatica. Wrong! The doctor was concerned about the fact that pain was radiating from my back and shooting down my left leg, so he recommended an MRI. I had that MRI today, and went home afterward thinking I'd hear something from my doctor in about 24 hours, since that was the "normal" window of response according to the MRI tech who did the scan.

Wrong! Apparently, when you have a REAL problem, they really do call you as soon as possible. The report from the scan was forwarded to my doctor almost immediately, and his nurse called me less than two hours after I had finished my scan. Nothing like a quick response to just set you off. I've known her for more than a few years, since she used to work for a doctor's office located in the hospital where I used to work, and she's very good to me. She doesn't believe in wasting time on fluff, and she prefers to get straight to the point when it comes to relaying information, and I am SO grateful to her for that.

Anyway, the MRI showed several things happening. First, typical wear and tear that everyone gets. No surprise there. Next, I have a protrusion a little higher up from my sciatic nerve. I have to get more details, but that doesn't seem to be causing too much trouble at the moment. The main culprit is an "extruding fragmented disc" that is currently pressing on my S1 nerve root (sciatic nerve). I guess all you have to do to get me worried is tell me that there's something fragmented in my back. That just doesn't sound very promising.

The doctor is referring me out to an orthopaedic specialist, someone who has experience with spinal issues. Whenever I can get in to see this specialist, he or she will discuss my options. I'm not keen on the idea of surgery, which is what a friend of mine went through for a similar problem last year, but if nothing else will work I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I'm holding out hope that something non-surgical will be an option for me, something like Physical Therapy or some epidural nerve blocks, or anything that involves relieving pain and providing ease and range of motion.

I'm currently walking around with a halting gait, and it's not very comfortable or friendly-looking...bride of Frankenstein is more my speed, apparently. Steve just started back on night shift tonight, so I'm back to being on my own with the kids half of the week again, not to mention during most days since he is now officially nocturnal again. I don't mind taking them places to play like the playground, since they are old enough to know how to behave (9 times out of 10), but I still worry that somehow this will affect them. I want to be healthy again, to be able to pick them up without fear that my back will scream in rebellion, to be able to sit on the floor and play with them without wincing in pain. I really think that they can sense that I'm not well, and the other day when I was lying on the couch trying to get comfortable, Megan brought me a blanket and covered me and kissed my forehead. I have angels for children (at least most of the time!).

Whoa...it's March...

Wow. I cannot believe how long it's been since I last posted! I would love to say that my life has just been filled to the brim with new and exciting events and activities, but the only thing new is whatever the kids are up to these days. I just do my best to keep up with them! :)

The kids turned two back in December, and two weeks later they promptly began identifying the letters of the alphabet. They don't know the alphabet in order from A to Z, but ask them what any specific letter is (seriously, it's like a game to them now) and they race to see who can yell it out first. It actually freaked me out a little, and then I got used to it. They have really picked it up from Sesame Street and Word World on PBS, so I can't even take credit for it. I guess I'm just amazed and thankful at the same time, since twins tend to be a little delayed on certain aspects of development...at least I know they shouldn't have much trouble with learning to read later on. It's funny though...Megan and I went to the doctor to check on a minor issue, and while we were waiting for the doc to come into the exam room, Megan was reading me the letters in a book (not the words, just the letters). The doc walks in and just gapes, mouth hanging. Very calmly, she turns and says, "How long has she been doing that?" She was even more shocked when I told her they were both doing it, and very clearly. Like I said...can't take the credit, but I sure am proud of them.

Megan has gotten very sure of herself, and sometimes the confidence she has borders on snottiness. She woke up from her nap yesterday and informed me, "Mommy, I would like Word World." I told her I was watching the news, and that we would watch it later (I record it on my DVR to keep it close at hand) and she smartly replied, "But MOMMY, I would LIKE Word World!" Sheesh. Jeremy does pretty well holding his own with her now, so I no longer worry that she is going to boss him around the house as much. He's a dancing fool...we took the kids to Sea World for Steve's birthday at the end of February, and in the lobby of our hotel there was a one-man music presentation, and Jeremy boogied in front of the stage, all by himself, for two whole songs before we dragged him away to give the poor musician his spotlight back. :)

Time for me to try to get to sleep. Take care and keep in touch!!!